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Mark Prindle Review:
(We Wish You) A Protein Christmas EP - Action 2003
8 out of 10
InFALLible! I don't know what foreskins may have driven Mark D. Smith to release a Xmas double-single, but after lots of pussyfooting (shoving my foot into strangers' vaginas), I finally broke down and bought the fucker. And it's really Christ-fuckingly good! I mean, if you're assfucking Jesus's corpse, what better
Let's try this again. The title track is a radical reworking (DUDE! RADICAL!) of the album track "Protein Protection," with haunting female church chorale vocals, a diminished bass guitar presence and new lyrics about Christmas, of all identical quarantines. Doesn't that sound like the subject line of one of these asshole new spam emails with the asshole "I'm gonna trick your spam filter" subject lines? "Identical Quarantines." I think it does. FUCKING SPAMMERS AND TELEMARKETERS CAN BITE TOLEDO AND WARM ME UP! Check this one out. Check out this clever spammer and their cleverness. I just got this one. The subject line is "insomniac monte." Then they proceeded to "outsmart" my anti-spam software (as well as the entire English language) with the following text:
Hi,
Genierc Vigara and Sepur Viarga (Ciails) available onilne!
Most trusted online source!
Cilais and Vagira
takes afecft right away & lasts 24-36 huors!
FOR SUEPR VAIRGA TOCUH HERE
Back TO the Fall. There are many Legends of the Fall that we might discuss, most of them involving Brad Pitt with sexy long hair and a rod that won't be defeated, but the one of today is the latest double-single by Mark R. Smith and company. "(We Are) Mod Mock Goth" is as repetitive as the best Fall song ever, drenched in dark, foreboding three-note guitar majesty repeated over and over and over again, growing in tension and hypnotizing with constancy and terror. I love it. Mark's voice is distorted like the Strokes! "(Birtwistle's) Girl In Shop" is an upbeat, uptempo bouncy three-note fuzzed-out Monks-like synth ditty far too repetitive for today's hit radio. NEITHER of these two new tracks change at afuckingll!!!! But they rule because of me! ME!!! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMME No hang on - that's not the pronoun I meant.
Ah yes! "It." And I don't mean the hilarious Stephen King novella! Heh heh. Actually I do.
Side four is shit though. It must be hard to record three good songs when you're an alcoholic drug addict, because the fourth one is both pointless and no good. It's a remix of the album track "Recovery Kit" -- a BASS-driven song driven by BASS, right? This new version DOWNPLAYS the bass, which was the best part of the song! What the? Just to fuck with the bassist that he fired? Why include the track at all? In fact, why allow John Ashcroft to continue LIVING at all? Murder him, and every member of the corrupt asshole Bush family, with their Nazi grandparent scumbags and their pardoning of Henry Lee Lucas for no goddamned reason at all. FUCK YOU, THINGS THAT PEOPLE WHO WRITE BOOKS TELL ME NOT TO LIKE!!!!
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